Losing someone close to you is the hardest thing in the world

This makes number five in the past two years. Why does this have to happen to me and my family? What did we do to deserve this? I know death is normal, but five in less than two years!? How the hell can I deal with this? How can I keep going on through life like a piece of my heart hasn't been torn from me? Like I'm not crying, screaming, and bleeding on the inside? How can I pretend I'm okay, when I'm losing everything so quickly? I love you Grammy. There's so much I wish I could have done with you, so much I wish I could have told you, thanked you for. I wish I could have kissed your head just one more time. I wish I hadn't complained about the smell of the nursing home. I wish that I could take it all back for just one more day with you. I wish that you're at least happy and at peace now, with Grandpa, somewhere dancing and kissing and doing everything you've been deprived. I love you so much and I wish things didn't have to happen like this. It's so unfair.