What Makes Me, Me: Polite or Primeval: An Analysis of the Disney Men

When we are analyzing the guys in Disney films (something we’re apt to do), we have a rather good test for gauging their personalities. And it’s all thanks to Belle’s searing analysis of Gaston when he is questioning the appropriateness of a woman reading books (let’s not get started on that one).

So we decided to conduct a very scientific experiment and figure out which group these Disney men fall under: positively polite or positively primeval. Let’s take a look:

Aladdin

Sure, he has his learning moments (like when he realizes lying about being a prince is not the best way to win a girl’s heart). But overall, Aladdin is perfectly charming and kind. Like we were even questioning that fact.

The Backson

Biggest surprise of the film came in the post-credit scene when we are introduced to a real backson. He is shockingly sweet and thoughtful and even offers to pick up the items that Winnie the Pooh and friends left in the woods: “You know I better pick ‘em up so they won’t get broken. That’s the last thing I would want.”

Captain Hook

Hook is a sneaky one because he has all the airs of a gentleman. However, a gentleman does not trick a fairy, capture Tiger Lily, and kidnap Wendy and all the Lost Boys. Shame on you, Hook.

Prince John

He steals from the poor to adorn his paws with rings. Enough said.

Roger

Even though it can’t help one bit, Roger still offers his handkerchief to Anita.

Beast

So, Beast could technically go into either category. When we first meet him, he is pretty primitive in his understanding of house guests. But when you are gentle and calm enough to be a walking birdhouse, you’ve definitely sidled into the polite category.

Frollo

More like prime-evil. Do we even need to say more?

Charles Muntz

We call “primeval” on this explorer from Up. He gets way too territorial and sics his dogs on Carl and Russell. You just don’t do that, Muntz.

Prince Charming

His name is literally synonymous with “polite.” Plus, even after bowing to the endless line of courtiers for probably hours on end, he is still nothing but courteous to Cinderella. And that girl deserves only the best.

Mickey Mouse Mickey Mouse: polite or primeval?

He’s just so sweet and caring and loving. Whenever we see Mickey and Minnie together, our hearts get a little fuller.

Captain Jack Sparrow

Yes, we love Jack. We really do. But all the thieving and pillaging and running around on beaches with bottles kind of made the choice for us. It’s somewhat inevitable for a scalawag like Jack. An intelligent and charismatic scalawag, but a scalawag nonetheless.

Scar

For starters, he plays with his live food. It pretty much goes downhill from there.

Tramp

He gives Lady the last meatball. Adorable.

Prince Phillip

He makes sure he fixes his hat and looks his best before meeting Aurora. Okay, so it was all for naught since Maleficent and her minions were waiting inside, but we applaud the effort.

Stitch